


monster

by mermistia



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Corrupted Steven Universe, Crying, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Mental Instability, corrupted steven theory got me feeling some kind of way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 00:04:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21485053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mermistia/pseuds/mermistia
Summary: Steven can feel himself slipping away,piecebypiece.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe
Comments: 17
Kudos: 248





	monster

**Author's Note:**

> hi i’m mj and i’m addicted to italics and glitchy text

He can’t breathe. 

He can’t breathe. 

He can’t breathe. 

He can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe 

“_Help me!_” and he winces, because his voice is nothing more than a guttural scream, so low and dark and broken, and he sees the blurry shape of Connie recoil in horror. 

Steven is supposed to be okay. He’s supposed to be okay, to be alright, to help everyone, to save everyone. He needs to save everyone. 

He needs to save

ȅ̷̡̟̪̳̘͓̞͗ͅv̶͇̻͕̤̫̻͉̜̫̑e̶̢̤̮̯̣̗̓̑͛̕r̵̡̘̗͖̃̔̉̒͌̀͘͘͝y̶̖͖̫̻̗͐͑ͅo̶͆̏̐̀̄͗̑͜͠n̸͖̻͓̱͇̬͚̝̐́̓̕̚͝e̷̗͒̈́̿

He needs to save

h̶͈̖͎͓̱͍̼̅̆͗̐͐͠͝i̸̤̦͇͒͊̈́̕͝͠m̷̧̡̯͕͉̼̖̹̮͌̓̌̂͋͐̂̕̕͠s̵̭̫̭̝̺̈́̿̽͗̊̚ĕ̸̲͈̣͂͋̂̄͝l̶̜͇͈̪̠͚̼̈f̶̮̎͑͝

Connie Connie Connie Connie Connie

“Connie!” He needs her to help him. He needs her to touch him, to hold him tight against her, to press her lips to his forehead and tell him that he’s okay it’s okay you’ll be okay it’s o k a y . He needs to be in her arms and hear her voice, to see her eyes and feel her touch. He needs her so badly, before everything goes wrong, before everything slips away from him. “Don’t come near me!”

No. 

The words fall out before he can stop them. 

No no no. 

He doesn’t mean it, he doesn’t mean that, he doesn’t know why he said it, _Connie please don’t leave, please, please, please-_

Another horn breaks his skin. He screams, fist pounding against the floor as a shooting pain stabs through him. 

It’s like Centipeetle’s acid burning through his brain. 

It’s like Jasper’s destabilisers shocking every inch of him. 

It’s like White Diamond ripping out his gem, ripping out his heart, ripping out his mind. 

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Connie’s closer to him now. He can see her. He can see her shoes, her skirt, the blue scrunchie holding her hair away from her face. She’s kneeling, hands touching his shoulders so gently he can barely feel it, and he blinks through tears to see her looking down at him. She’s not smiling. There’s no light in her eyes. She’s scared, he’s scaring her, and he wants it to stop, _please,_ make it stop, _please-_

“Get away from me!” He pushes at her hand, pushes her away, pushes her touch away from him for reasons he doesn’t understand, and he sucks in a breath when red springs to the top of her skin. He stares. She’s bleeding. Her skin is ripped where he touched it, shallow cuts running over the top of her hand, and he watches as she draws it back to herself, staining her shirt with drops of blood. He hurt her. 

He hurt her. 

He _hurt_ her. 

Monster. 

_Monster._

m̵͍̯̘̯̀͐̂̆͆̌̕͝o̵͈̘͚͔̖̓͆̔ǹ̴̡̛͙̬̦̟̘̗͈̻̏͌͒́̾͒ͅs̶̬̪̾̂̀̽̈́̏͑̋͛̃t̵̡̢̛͇͉̙̘̜͆̃̍̔̓̈́͘ẻ̸̥̯̟̥͙r̷̢̦̦̺͓̓̔͋̑̉̌̎͗͠͠

He never thought of the corrupted gems as monsters. They’re gems, they’re _people,_ they’re just people he needed to save and heal and make better. They aren’t monsters. He’s known that for years. 

But

It’s 

So 

Hard. 

It’s so hard not to think of himself as a monster. What else can he call himself?

Horns and claws and blood. 

_Monster._

It hurts so badly. He can feel everything and nothing all at once, his skin warping and burning and splitting everywhere, every part of him breaking. He doesn’t want to be a monster, he wants to be himself, he wants to be _Steven,_ but Connie is scared and bleeding and the gems are watching him with wide eyes and Greg is crying and Lapis is shaking and Bismuth is choking on thousands of years of repressed pain and he’s ruining everything and he’s a _monster._

He’s hurting them. 

They don’t want to see him. Not like this, not in pain, not as a monster. 

He has to get away. 

He has to get away _now._

He stands, shaking and gripping the table for support, claws leaving deep scratch marks in the wood as he drags his hand along it, racing for the warp pad, reaching out a scarred arm to get there before he’s caught. 

“Steven!” Connie. 

“Steven!” Greg. 

“Steven!” Peridot. 

He has to get _away._

Garnet is so close to him, reaching out to hold onto him, to keep him safe, to hold him through all of the pain. 

He wants her to hold him. 

He needs it.

He kicks forwards to get away. _Please don’t look at me, Garnet, please, please don’t._

There’s a flash of light and he screams in pain, agony flooding his every nerve as it shines in his eyes, burning, and he claws at his face desperately, to make it _stop,_ make the light _stop._ He’s spinning through the air (is it air? He’s too tired, in too much pain to try to remember how the warp pad works right now) and he feels sick with the motion, tumbling head over heels as every part of him changes and twists and contorts, becoming something he never wanted to be. 

Steven lands with a thump, a squeaking cry of pain, and his teeth shifting into fangs. He bites down on his own lip, hard, _too hard,_ and spits out the taste of warm blood that comes rushing into his mouth. He can’t feel anything, he can’t feel his legs, and he looks down at them, his head still spinning. 

They’re gone. 

He screams, scrambling away from himself, except he _can’t._ His legs are gone, replaced by something pink and singular and snake-like, the bottom half of a _monster,_ he can’t move, he can’t propel himself away, and he sinks into the coldness of the warp pad with his eyes stinging with tears. 

He smells something sweet. 

Strawberries. 

The battlefield. 

“Great,” he says, but it comes out as more of a hiss. “More of my mom’s war. Just what I needed. Just what I-” his voice cuts out. 

No complaints. 

No screams. 

No cries. 

It’s spreading. There’s one two three four five horns on his head, there’s fangs in his mouth, there’s every part of a monster where his body should be, and his eyes flash black. 

Black. 

Pink. 

Black. 

Gone. 

Darkness. 

And then light. 

P 

I

N

K

D

I

A

M

O

N

D

Diamonds in his eyes, lighting up with power, and he’s _huge,_ he’s towering over everything, he’s a _monster,_ and Connie’s voice is still ringing in his ears, words that he doesn’t fully remember her saying. 

S t e v e n ?

P l e a s e .

C o m e b a c k t o m e . 

I t ’ s o k a y . 

It’s not. 

It’s not okay. 

I t i s n o t o k a y . 

He’s gone. 

Steven is gone. 

He’s a m̸̙̈́̀̿̍ó̵͇̮̖͎̰͚̐͛͊͑̈́n̸̨̗̟̾̉͂̽̉̂̄s̵̨̗̯̹̆̅t̸̞̂̋̔͑̌̇̚è̷͚̞͎̿̈͛̏͑͂r̷̛̝͖̙̿̎͂͑̌̓͌̀

“_Please,_” he shouts, he screams, voice cracking in terror, and his mind races faster than he can understand it. Please please please let me out let me out don’t make me be a monster let me out let me _out-_

n̸̨̩͖̩͚̟̫̲̰̳͂̐̏ộ̷̺̟̱̀̋

A voice in his head. 

m̶̲̥̬̳̲͚̠̞͌̑̈́̾̽́͝ó̴̹̃͗͋ň̶̢̨̟̼͈̌͂̽͆̈́͘͝s̴͕̅̔̑͑̏́̓̚̕t̸̰̊͂͒̓̑́͂̚ẻ̶͉̩͇͎̀͗̅̀̇̑̚͝͝ŗ̶̢͖̲̠̘̝͚̇́̎͜

ȩ̴͚̜̫̭̻̫͉̀̑̉̇̿̍̂̋͝m̵͖̘͈͙͉̈́́b̵̨̢̳͇̖̭͖̭̽͑̓̒̂̚r̴̤̹̠̟̣͍̖̞̐̊̇̓̚͘͜ḁ̷͇̹͔͙̟̪̜̃͒̐͜c̷̙̟̫̺̫̰̔̈́̎̒͊̌̈̈́͝é̵̪̒̾̂͘͜ ̶̧̖̲̥̩͔̯̮̂̄i̶̟̗͐͑͝ẗ̸̨̻͎̜̯̫͓̗́̍̿͂͆̑̆̈́͝

l̷͓̓͂́̐̿͛͒͐͝e̵̦͙̻͋̃̎͛̔̊͝t̶͎̦͚̔͗̈́̂̋̅͝ ̶̢͔̞̯̫̥̻͚̣͑͗̓̀͂͆͜i̵̦̥̬͇͎̙̥̓̈́̀͗̋̑̓̆͜͝͝ͅt̸̬̤̄̎ ̶̫̩̔̍͋̉̅̒ḩ̸̼̫͉̥͔̈́͒̅̈ͅä̷̧̨̢̰̻̱̲́͆̂̒͂̈̓̒ͅp̶͕̻̩͉̳̄͐̐͋̐ͅp̸̢͇̱̦̘̬͈̩̙̐̈̑̅̀̚͠ę̶͖̟͔̗̹̖͕͝n̵͕̖̫̩̎̊̈̏͊̒͐͊͗͠

m̶̲̥̬̳̲͚̠̞͌̑̈́̾̽́͝ó̴̹̃͗͋ň̶̢̨̟̼͈̌͂̽͆̈́͘͝s̴͕̅̔̑͑̏́̓̚̕t̸̰̊͂͒̓̑́͂̚ẻ̶͉̩͇͎̀͗̅̀̇̑̚͝͝ŗ̶̢͖̲̠̘̝͚̇́̎͜

He can’t hold it anymore. 

He can’t fight back anymore. 

He’s trying. 

He’s tired. 

He’s tired. 

M̸̪͖̖̠̘͚̀͜͜ͅO̴̭̺̩͍͖̒̒̃̅̑͐̀̿͝ͅͅN̸̢̰̝̮̬̂͋̂̕̚S̴̡̢͎̩͔̗̝̜̐͗̀̾̾̔̀̽T̶̪̰̺̙͇̼̖̔̂͆̿͛Ė̷̢̡̨͙̫͙̫́̌̐R̴̞̩̳̪͉͉̩̄͜

He’s gone.

**Author's Note:**

> IM BIG SAD AND IM ALSO @MERMISTIA ON TUMBLR


End file.
